Yes, and: my two best friends

Trying to reconcile the simultaneous highs and lows

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the importance of emotions being able to coexist. It’s the concept of “yes, and,” meaning that yes, I’m wildly happy about one thing, and I’m also devastated by something else.

They both can happen at the same time, and not only is that okay, but it’s something I’m coming to depend on.

Is it just me or does life always seem clearer when you’re staring at the ocean waves?

Peaks and valleys

My life’s highest moments seem to be closely followed by the lowest ones. Some examples:

In May of 2009, I graduated high school! Six months later, during my first semester of college, my mom died unexpectedly.

In June of 2016, I graduated with my bachelor’s degree, the culmination of a seven-year journey.

…but despite all my academic success, I graduated without a job which left me questioning my value and identity. (in total it would take me 14 months to find the right one. Whew—what a time.)

2022 is the real kicker, though:

·      March: My nephew was born! I also traveled internationally for the first time.

·      May: I fractured and sprained my foot playing a game in the last class for my MBA.

·      June: I graduated with my MBA and was selected as the graduate student speaker.

·      July: My foot hadn’t healed, and the pain was excruciating. I was told I might have a rare nerve disorder called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS).

·      August: It was confirmed, and my life was changed forever.

Talk about peaks and valleys. It felt like emotional whiplash.

One of my favorite photos from my MBA commencement: a semi-canded photo as we waited to go inside. You can see the absolute pure joy on my face. (…and the knee scooter I was using to get around.)

I remember in undergrad someone asked me when the best year of my life was, and I didn’t know what to say. While I wanted to say 2009, because of the celebration around graduating high school, was it acceptable to think of the year my mom died as the best year of my life?

Sometimes, I wish I could go back and tell her YES.

Either/or instead of yes/and

Growing up, the implicit lesson I learned about emotions was that it was either/or, not yes/and.

You could be happy OR you could be sad.

Frustrated OR excited.

As I think back to 2009, I certainly didn’t have the language to acknowledge that 2009 was one of the best years of my life while also acknowledging the most devastating thing to ever happen to me occurred that same year.[1]

Instead, I was constantly wrestling with how to reconcile those two things.

Now, in 2024, I’m grateful that I’ve learned the secret to reconciling the simultaneous highs and lows:

You don’t.

They can coexist.

Hold them both.

Embrace the mess

Having emotions coexist is messy. It’s confusing. But necessary.

Life isn’t black or white, it’s a mixture of different shades of grey.

I’m learning to appreciate the light moments, while not suppressing the dark ones.  

Sometimes, life will hand you crutches because of a broken foot, then throw confetti at you because you just graduated with your MBA.

But that’s life.

Savor the confetti. Decorate the crutches.

Yes, and.

My talented friend Carsten Tice takes the best photos.

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[1] Also, don’t worry undergrad Carly, things get even better than high school graduation—I promise.